“When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion.” Dale Carnegie

Dale Carnegie’s quote, eloquently summarizes a major challenge we face at the negotiating table. Negotiations tend to get complicated due to the fact, that as human beings we bring a lot of baggage to the process. In the seminal book “Getting to Yes” by Roger Fisher and William Ury, they have a dedicated section devoted to separating the personal element as much as possible, from the negotiation process. They identify three main segments which tend to complicate matters repeatedly, they are perceptions, emotions and communications. Listed below are a few tips on dealing with each segment.

1. Perceptions: As stated in yesterday’s blog post, if we do not look adequately into the other sides position and interests, our perceptions will be skewed. We may perceive an issue in a certain manner because of a particular reason, whereas, it could be due to something completely different. We need to open up candid discussions on both sides. Unless this is done, both sides will blame the other and point fingers. Each side needs to be part of negotiation process, as also clear on each other’s positions, to reach a mutually agreeable decision.

2. Emotions: This area tends to complicate matters during the negotiation process as a routine. To become an adept negotiator, one needs to become emotionally aware of ourselves and others. Emotions tend to play either a positive or negative role in negotiations. It is only when negative emotions such as anger, fear and distrust come into play, that reaching a consensus becomes very challenging. As skilled negotiators it is important to keep a constant check on our own emotional levels, as well as that of the other person. When we sense a boiling point it is important to diffuse the situation by either changing our stance or by temporarily leaving the scene. It is important to focus on the issue at hand and not take personal jabs at the other person.

3. Communication: During the negotiating process if the involved individuals are not able to communicate properly, chances of reaching any sort of agreement is minimal. We need to ensure that during the negotiation process both parties communicate clearly and listen actively. At the same time, we need to be aware of non verbal communication as well. Key factors such as eye contact, facial expressions and body posture are continuously communicating messages to the other side. We also need to be aware of the non verbal cues we may be receiving from the other side as well. Miscommunication is one of the primary reasons why negotiations break down, we must ensure that the focus on keeping channels of communication clear at all times is maintained.

The entire objective of negotiating is to find a mutually acceptable consensus. To ensure that this objective is achieved, we need to keep the process as simple as possible. If we complicate the process by bringing external baggage into the equation, chances of reaching a consensus become slim. We need to ensure focus on the issue at hand at all times. This will undoubtedly be challenging, and there will be moments when our emotions will get the better of us. However, if we always remind ourselves of the core issue and make a concentrated effort to reach a consensus, both sides will benefit.